Complain: (verb) 1. to express grief, pain, or discontent <complaining about the weather> 2. to make a formal accusation or charge
Objective: To reach 21 consecutive days without complaining. To learn to catch ourselves before we complain and to eliminate the habit to complain.
What is a “complaint”? Anything that is said or demonstrated that is negative or is associated with a thought that is negative or with a desire to change. Thoughts are free, but words and actions cost you. (By the way, if you have to ask, it is a complaint!)
“Complaining is talking about things you do not want rather than what you do want. When we complain, we are using our words to focus on things that are not as we would like. Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking. Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking.”
“What you Articulate, you Demonstrate!”
How do I do this?
Start by finding a wristband – it can be a watch, a rubberband, or anything that you can move from one wrist to the other. You will start by placing it on your wrist. When you catch yourself complaining, you must move the wrist band to the other wrist. And keep moving the band back and forth every time you complain.
To increase your chances of success, ask family or friends to help hold you accountable – they may even want to join in on the challenge!
The four stages to success:
- Unconscious incompetence – a blank slate, pure potential (ignorance IS bliss)
- Conscious incompetence—uncomfortably aware of how often you do complain
- Conscious competence—hypersensitive of your complaining (becoming aware)
- Unconscious competence – success! You now are looking and seeing the positive
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think” – Buddha
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| Problem | Opportunity |
| Have to | Get to |
| Setback | Challenge |
| Enemy | Friend |
| Tormentor | Teacher |
| Pain | Signal |
| I demand | I would appreciate |
| Complaint | Request |
| Struggle | Journey |
| You did this | I created this |
How do we monitor this?
You will self monitor. Try to be honest with yourself! The average is 4 – 8 months to achieve 21 consecutive days of no complaining.
What do you get if you get to your 21-day goal?
You will change your life! I mean it. The part of the brain that complains will wither and atrophy. You will be healthier (those aches and pains will not seem so significant if you notice them at all), you will have better relationships with family and friends, and you will be the kind of person that others want to be around…. And you will be happier. Much happier.
“Change your thoughts and you change your world” – Norman Vincent Peale
Joseph Kandel, MD
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“To Cure Sometimes, To Heal Often, To Comfort Always”
Neurology Office, Joseph Kandel M.D. and Associates
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